Country Burgler Alarm

On the farm, we had about every animal you would expect to see on a normal farm. Beef cattle, dairy cows, horses, cats, dogs, and chickens. We never had a sheep, goat or a pig. They just didn’t fit in with the farm/ranch/cowboy mindset. The neighbors down the road had a few pigs, but I just didn’t understand why anyone would want one around. Ever try to saddle a pig? It just doesn’t work. They take off to fast, the saddle slides off the back, stop to quick the saddle goes over the head.
Used to be at the local fairs, there would be a greased pig contest for the kids. I wish they still had them. The way this would work is somebody would donate a small pig, about the size of Arnold on Green Acres. They would put this pig in a small pen on Main Street. They would take a quart of axel grease, or later on Vaseline. Grease this pig up from squeal to tail. Get the thirty screaming kids lined up beside the pin and turn the pig loose. For sport the pig would get a two second head start. Then its thirty kids chasing this one little pig through town. It was completely up to the pig what route the chase was going to take. Peoples backyards, through the rides on the midway, or through the prize winning garden in town. The pig didn’t care. Usually the first kid to the pig didn’t win, he’d just get an arm full of grease and the pig wouldn’t even slow down. The games over when the pig is more or less cleaned of the grease, and one kid brings him back to the pen. The kid that caught the pig would get to keep him. Years later I found out where bacon comes from, only then could I understand having them.
Saturdays on the farm meant the possibility of a trip to the sale barn. This was the farmers Walmart back then. Before the cattle sale, you could buy everything from eggs to bales of hay, some ones old worn out farm implement to chickens.
This weekend was Eldon’s turn to go with dad to the sale barn. He never took both of us at once. I think it was because he couldn’t handle both of us wanting everything there.
Sometimes I wonder what my dad was thinking, or more like, “how did Eldon talk him into this one?”
This time they get home from the sale barn with the back end of the truck packed full of chicken cages. The cages are full of birds, but it isn’t chickens. What the heck? These things are gray and white in color, don’t have any combs like a chicken does. And they don’t crow like a chicken. It is more like a combination of sounds. A cats tail under a rocking chair, a baby screaming, and a thousand crickets in your bedroom on a quiet night all rolled into one.
These strange birds are called Guineas.
They proceeded to unload these birds into half of the old chicken house. The final count was sixty guineas. All put into a room made for twenty chickens.
The first few weeks went fairly well. While staying in the coop, they kept pretty quiet, Eldon kept them fed, and all was good.
I guess the scheme was for Eldon to get a guinea egg business going. Like most of the farm planning, this turned out to not be the case. Instead, after a few weeks, the plan changes. “Let’s turn the guineas loose. They will eat for free during the day, and return to the chicken house at night to roost.” Good idea, but I guess no one told the guineas. These guardians of the night, head for the highest tree they can find to roost, waiting for anything that might be cause to sound the alarm. An ant wanting a midnight snack on the piece of peanut butter sandwich dropped on the sidewalk? Not on their watch! At night if you changed your mind in front of them it was enough set off thirty minutes of squawking.
I always wondered how people next to train tracks could sleep with a train going by. Now I know. After a few sleepless months you get used to it.
Eventually we did either get used to the noise or the guineas got used to us. Most of the time they sounded off it was a car pulling in the driveway or a dog in the yard that didn’t belong there. The flock thinned down. Guinea vs car, the car wins. The neighbor down the road wanted them for some reason. He caught most of the thirty left and moved them down to his house. Guess he wanted a country burglar alarm too.